“You Know I’ve Had My Share”
Actors are perennially in search of two things: affecting an audience, and feeling personally significant. We can debate the order another time. In either case, there’s something relational at play, a need for emotions to stimulate the brain, or heart, or groin. (Again, we can debate the particulars later.)
In the best of circumstances, you’re working, on something you like, and you’re well paid. In these times you walk the earth with a lighter step. Traffic snarls are merely chances to listen to more music, rain is refreshing, and the dim-witted cashier is a person worthy of compassion.
And in the worst of times, the wisdom of a three day waiting period to purchase a hand gun becomes clearer than ever.
I am no stranger to these matters, of course, much as I can elucidate a point or two about them. An assessment of my life can shift depending on the day, or the hour of the day, so that at breakfast I’m King Midas and by lunch I’m Wile E. Coyote, and all that happened in between was a phone call, or lack thereof. It’s a fragile state of affairs.
It need not be so. Caring about one’s work and livelihood is a good thing, of course, but defining ourselves by the decibel level of applause we hear is a fool’s errand. It will never be high enough, and even Pavarotti had nights where the standing ovations must have felt tepid.
So, where do we go from here? What is the winning shot in the endless volley of good times/bad times? Can we live lives of equanimity and joy, regardless of the external circumstances?
The answer is yes. The art of it lies in defining what we can control, and what we can’t control, and making sure our energies are focused on the former. If the only joy an actor experiences comes from getting the call with the offer, it’s going to be a dark road. If instead, there is equal, or dare I say greater, excitement in, say, putting up good work in a class, then we might have something.
The formula may seem simple, but it’s effective. It’s also very difficult to master, and no, I am no great master. But I know the road I have to travel, and that may make all the difference…
For the Mineralava Musings, this is Edoardo Ballerini.