“Note to Self”
2009 was dedicated to making massive change on every level. Will 2010 hold more of the same? The pursuit has made me feel more alive than any time I can ever remember. My mind felt as if it were shot out of a canon, and my skin tingled as if the nerve-endings had been attached to a live wire. I had no idea where I was going when it started. All I knew at the beginning of the year was that if I didn’t change, I would die. You’ll forgive the dramatic turn of phrase, but I felt the “diamond bullet,” as Colonel Kurtz put it in Apocalypse Now, the moment of binding pain, beauty and clarity that turns everything on its ear.
The year came with its share of hardships and obstacles. The Buddha teaches us that suffering is inevitable, and damned if he wasn’t right. But there is the inevitable, and there is the self-imposed. We make choices. Choices about how we live, who we spend our time with, the activities of the day. And we have the ability to make changes. If a person doesn’t fit our life, we can move on. If a job doesn’t suit our ethics, we can find another. If we can’t get through the day without pain in extremis, we can work towards our happiness.
I’m a little sad to see the year come to a close. It was tremendous. I learned more about life, love, and myself, than I had in the previous ten. But it’s time to move on to the next phase, whatever that may bring. For now, I return to this simple idea: don’t stop making massive changes. Be mindful of others, be kind, but don’t stop making massive changes.
As Shakespeare reminds us:
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Let us embrace them all…