Edoardo Ballerini

Listen to full episode: “Let It Be”

Once again it seems my spiritual practice is dovetailing with my professional life.  I study meditation.  That may sound strange.  What is there to study?  You just sit there and do nothing, right?  It’s a little more complicated than that.  At any rate, I do study, and I have a wonderful teacher, who last week raised the distinction between “letting go” and “letting be.”  It’s subtle, but important.  “Letting go” can often lead to further frustration, if, in fact, the thing in question – anger, fear, resentment, whatever it is – isn’t let go of.  Now you’re stuck with the original thorn in your side, only it has been twisted.  “Letting be,” on the other hand asks only that you accept that the anger, fear, resentment is allowed to exist.  That’s all.  It just… is.  I’m frustrated, I’m angry, I’m afraid.  So be it.  It’s just a feeling.  It will work it’s way off on its own, as you simply observe it.  In fact, you might even try to befriend it.  Stop me if I’m moving to fast.  But try it.  You’ll see.

Anyway, I had an audition today.  Nothing that was going to change my life, but interesting enough to get me down there.  About ten seconds into the reading, I could hear a voice in the back of my head saying, “Hey, this, too, is something to just let be.  It’s not unpleasant at all, but let’s just let it be.”  I’m in a room.  I’m reading a few pages.  Somebody is recording the event.  This is what is happening right now.  And a remarkable thing happened.  I found myself intensely more relaxed and comfortable, and more able to listen to the words coming at me.  The old joke is that actors memorize their scripts in the following way: My line.  Blah, blah, blah.  My line.  Blah, blah, blah.  My line.  And I’m sure I’ve falling into this trap as well.  But not today.  Simply letting things be cleared the space to take it all in, as if I were more than one person.  The guy speaking, the guy listening, and the guy observing the event as a whole.  No one part was dominating, and in the end I felt light and refreshed.

As I left the building and headed for the subway I fairly floated through the crisp New York autumn air, grinning like a doofus.  Maybe there’s something to this studying thing after all…

And I’ll get back to you about what happens if I don’t get the offer.

For the Mineralava Musings, this is Edoardo Ballerini.